This blog is still in existance?

Yes, this blog IS still alive, at least I think there's still a chance of life. This post will be like charging up the electric paddles and giving this journal a good shot to the heart.

Let's recap who I am and what I'm about, since it seems like it was AGES AGO that I started this journal. I'm a 20-something girl with a deep interest in submission, bondage, knives, spankings, and everything physical and psychological dealing with BDSM.

I started my journey into all of this in high school, just playfully researching stuff on the internet. When I realized that a close friend of mine also had a penchant for many things kinky and naughty, we both decided to play around, doing different things with each other. It was all kept physical, nothing romantic, and we've remained wonderful friends. Because of all that we did, it makes our friendly relationship now even more open and honest. Then, I went off to college. In a dorm room alone, with constant privacy and internet right there, I started talking online to a Dom. He was much older than I am, but was serious about trying to teach me something, and I was just bursting at a chance to learn anything about this new found world of "BDSM." Though our time talking online was fairly brief, I still appreciate what I got out of it. It was all part of the journey.

My second online encounter came from randomly searching the AOL profiles for things like "bondage...domination..submission..." and I found one that caught my eye. This man mentioned enjoying bdsm and various things associated with it...including "electro." Sure I could have just googled that and figured out what it was, but I wanted to know first hand from him. We started talking online, and ended up doing so for a little over a year. During that time we also talked on the phone, and exchanged pictures and various assigments. From him, I learned that verbalizing wants and needs was embarassing for me, horribly so. But it did leave me feeling quite submissive and small, in an exciting way. We did eventually part ways, but my long-distance experience with him was and still is very important to me. It really shaped me.

Notice a pattern of internet finds? Yep. The internet is a wonderful thing. SO! Through Yahoo Groups, I found a local city group dedicated to getting together and having play parties and various get-togethers. I began communicating with the members, starting off with one of the main women/founders. She is a very sweet woman, so friendly and open to answering any questions I had. I can't remember if it was through her or if I was approached by this man, but I soon began talking to a gentleman in the group. We'll call him A. For at least a month or two, A and I corresponded over Yahoo messenger. We exchanged photos, made small-talk, and shared our kinky interests. If he's anything at all, it's a spanker. After a time, I agreed to meet him and the woman I originally talked to, for lunch. It was a very nerve-wracking drive there, and I almost backed out, but I stuck it out and met the two of them. A was a perfect gentlemen, and he and I texted back and forth the whole time at the table. Finally I decided that I wanted to be spanked by him, so I followed him from the restaurant to a hotel, and we had our first play meeting. He talked me through everything, he was very considerate and took things slow and easy (until I could take more), and it was a wonderful experience. I don't regret it at all. I got spanked, cuddled with, and spanked some more. A even allowed me to bring two of my own studded belts to try out...that was fun. The whole time I felt very safe, and I trusted him. And he was careful to not push me too far, and watch my limits. The meetings I had with him just opened up a world of experiences for me. We don't play together any more, but we keep in touch and talk from time to time.
With him (for the first time)...
-I was buckled up onto a St. Andrew's cross.
-I had hot wax dripped onto me.
-I felt Japanese clover clamps.
-I was spanked with a rubber kitchen spatula, while over the lap of someone in the backseat of a car.
-I was flogged.
-I played around with Saran Wrap...outside of kitchen use.

Throughout the time I played with A, I met another Dom online through Yahoo...and we'll call him J. He lived outside of the U.S., and was in the country kind of doing a road trip and visiting many different states. As with A, I also exchanged pictures, background history, and interests with J. He wasn't merely into one facet like spanking, he enjoyed experimenting with many different toys and ideas. I talked with him for a couple of months, and then it came to be that he was stopping through my home state to visit. We set up a meeting at a local eatery, and as my first trip to see A, I was totally terrified. And this was a new first meeting, because I had been given an instruction. J wanted me in a skirt, with some boots and a pair of thigh-high stockings. The day of, I nervously ran into our local Victoria's Secret and picked out a pair of stockings. I met him at the restaurant, we both got a little bit to eat, and then I followed him back to his hotel in town. We chit-chatted in his room, and after the formalities we started to play around a little. A couple of hours passed and we got hungry, so I took him to a local Middle Eastern restaurant and he got us both dinner. I left him once it was time for me to get home, but I visited again the next time and we continued our play and we went out to dinner again. I wasn't sure I would see him again after that, but we stayed in contact and he did indeed visit the state again a few weeks after that. I met him at a restaurant, and as usual he took me back to his hotel. I was on my period so my jeans stayed on and I felt the hard sting of a riding crop, but that was such a fun time. I haven't seen him since, but we still keep in touch.
With him (for the first time)...
-I was spanked with a riding crop.
-I wore ankle and wrist cuffs, and had them clipped together behind my back to make a hogtie.
-I went out in a skirt without panties for the first time.
-I experienced breath play.
-I wore stockings for the first time.

A & J (hahaha, so mysterious and funny) both brought a lot to my life. I learned A LOT about myself through them, including how I view my need to be submissive. I could call it a want, but I truly *need* it. Not on a daily basis, but that part of me does need to be a part of my life.

Now...soon after J's last visit, I decided to take a chance and persue a new love interest, someone that I had on my eyes for a while. He's one year older than me, and very very handsome. I reached out to him through a website, and then we started talking over AIM. We talked online for a while, and decided to set up our first date. It went well, and so did any and every date after that. We've been dating a little over a year now, and I couldn't be happier. He isn't a "Dom," but he can be a dominant person. He has embraced my wants and needs and interests, and I've done the same for him. He indulges my love of knives, of rope bondage, of having my hair pulled and my throat grabbed, of being used roughly and loved tenderly. He is many things to me, and I'm so pleased that he can help fulfill my submissive side. Because of my experience with guys in the past, it's helped me know what I want from my lover now, and even because of him I've learned many new things about myself. He's helped me become more comfortable in my own skin, and be less embarassed about intimate things. With him, I've even explored some taboo areas that I never thought I would...embarassing positions like 69, and new things like anal play and sex. My current relationship is so liberating and open, fun and honest, silly and mushy, rough and dark, it's the total package for me, and I want to stay with this man for a very long time.

WELL! I think this was a substantial catch-up post. I definitely want to start updating more, as my...Master, and I explore new things. Yes, as I mentioned wayyyyy back when, I'm an Occasional Kitten, because he is my Occasional Master, and always my love.

~Kitten