Those warm and fuzzy moments

Laying down on the couch, my head in his lap, I definitely felt like a kitten. Even as he ran his hand over me, I'd clench my hands a little and relax them, kind of kneading his leg. He really petted me, played with my hair; he scratched behind my ears, on my chin, under my neck, down my side...then he'd go back to petting me. Ooohh it felt good, it felt right. As I hope some people can relate to, I need moments like that where I feel like I'm "put into my place" so to speak. It was easy to slip into a submissive feeling then; the body position, what he was doing, what he was saying to me...it was very relaxing. A loving, warm, small, protected feeling came over me, and I just felt like I was his. After laying like this for a little bit, he spoke up and said that kittens don't wear clothes, they're pretty much naked, and if I was a kitten that I should be that way too - quite true but convenient logic for a guy, no? I think having my clothes off just increased everything that I was feeling, and it was a wonderful time. He even thought of the nickname "Chesire" for my kitten-self, even though we both agree that just plain "Kitten" can be just as nice, and we'll probably continue to use it more.

Hmm, what then? Well, I believe we played around for a bit, and then he got out one of his knives and some disinfectant, fun! A few cuts on my chest, some lines down my thighs and I was a happy girl. The alcohol that followed on those definitely stung, but it's always worth it.

I'm sure for some people just the sight and the feel (not even cutting) of the knife is enough, and it is to a point for me. Whether the mark is really just a minor scratch or something deeper, the effect is still generally the same: some fear, tons of arousal, throw in joy and love, and that should maybe begin to describe it.

Anything I've done with this, hell anything "BDSM" related isn't done without a bit of fear, it's a healthy thing I think. At least for me, there's always this little lingering voice in the back of my mind "what if?"...nothing that makes me want to burst out into tears, but something is there, even though I trust him to do all of these things to me. Having some fear there keeps you on your toes, doesn't totally let you have your guard down, and keeps you a bit intune with the situation.

Arousal? Well duh, that should be a no-brainer. The fear that I have is arousing- even when he's just teasing me with the blade, lightly running it over my skin. I kind of shiver and feel on edge, a bit tense, and almost hypersensitive to the sensations. The fact is that it makes me horny as hell to see him hold a blade to me, to feel the anticipation when I'm waiting for him to finally touch the knife to me, to watch him cause me pain, to look down once he's done and see the red lines covering whatever area of my body he chose to play with that time, and to get cleaned up by him.

Joy and love kind of go hand in hand, with what I have in mind. I am overjoyed, both during and after we play in any way, that I get to share these things/interests of mine so openly and honestly with him. I'm definitely glad that he is understanding and curious, willing to try these things. That's what gives me joy, is seeing him before, after, during the process and knowing that he does have an interest in it and enjoys doing these things to me. As for love? I LOVE that man. Very much. He is a big-hearted soul, with an incredibly open mind and a fun attitude. I like to hope that we don't take ourselves too seriously, and I LOVE that. If we're in the process of cutting/fooling around/anything and something funny happens, I know I'm going to laugh. He probably will too. We remember that we're only human, and just try to have the best time possible. I love his acceptance, I love his curiosity, and I love him.

-peace-